Friday, June 24, 2005

Untitled

I went to several of my favorite sites and they each had some form of poetry posted so I figured, what the hell. Might as well display some more of my girlie side. I wrote this piece, largely cause I have been here before. Shid, who am I kidding, not only have I been here, I came in took off my shoes and stayed so long I had a spare toothbrush. Hell, I even ran into a few of my girlfriends there. Don't know why we women keep ending up in this place. Anyway, here goes...
My Friend with Benefits.
Beneficial Friend.
Never really been fit
To be friends
So from our relationship
I never benefited

See, you were just to be my
Cut Buddy.
Fuck Buddy.
Could touch my body,
But never my heart
Buddy

But shid, I slipped up
Fucked up and
Got caught up
Knowing we were just 'posed to hook up

And do
What grown folks do
When grown folks do
What grown folks do

But now I got this
Consistent, insistent, persistent
Yearning for you

Tryna decipher
If you’re my heart's desire
Or is it just that you set the pussy on fire?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Imprints

Ever meet someone for a brief period in time and find yourself wondering about that person on a regular basis? I have, heck I do often. See, there are people with whom I have had fleeting moments with and for some reason still feel connect to their spirit. I don’t really understanding where it comes from or what about that particular person causes the connection. I just know its there. They just leave an imprint.

So with that said, recently I have been thinking about this young lady I met in a Wal-Mart parking lot over a year ago. The details are sketchy. I don’t recall the day of the week or the time of day or even her name. To be perfectly honest, I can't even recall any of her facial features. Anyway, my good friend and I were leaving Wal-Mart and as we were walking towards my car. I heard this sniffling. I looked over at the young lady sitting in the driver’s seat of a car with Alabama plates and she was crying. And I am talking about on of those soul-cleansing-Lord-I-need-your-help-type of cries. I pointed it out to my friend and we both said on of those good deed comments. You know, the type of comments people tend to make when they know they should be doing something but end up talking themselves out of it, for whatever reason. We both said, ‘God, I hope everything is ok.’ And were about to leave. But I just didn’t feel right. As I was about to shut my car door and head back down Thornton Rd, I just knew I had to go over to this girl. So I did just that.

I tapped on the window and darn near startled the poor girl half to death. She rolled down the window and before I could even introduced myself, (which was the plan I’d created in my head during the brief walk to her car) I told her, ‘Everything is going to be ok.’ She smiled and said thank you. I then proceeded to tell her, that this was an opportunity for her to grow. I opened her car door, reached in, gave her a hug, told her I don’t know you, but I love you and you should love you too. She thanked me once more and I headed back to my car. When I got back my friend said, ‘I think we need to pray with her.’ We went over and did just that. We spent about twenty-five minutes talking to this young lady. We found out she was 19 years old and only in Atlanta for the day and had just been praying to God about how alone she felt and how she just needed reassurance that she would be able to make it. She told us about all the other things that she had been going through in her life and without telling it all, she was definitely in the mist of a storm. As we were about to leave we both gave her our cell phone numbers and told her to call us when she made it back to Alabama safely or if she needed anything else while she was in Atlanta. She promised she would call hugged us and we said goodbye.

She never did call, but I always wondered what happened to that girl. I still think about her from time to time.And when I do, I stop and say a little prayer for her. Wonder if she does the same?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Shared Secrets

I just had to post this link. I thought this was so intriguing.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Drinking Prune Juice...

...And letting shit go. I was going to write this long, drawn out explanation detailing why I felt the need to write this post but then I figured, for what? I have some shit I need to let go of so here goes

--I like myself. Therefore there are times when I just want to be with myself. This is not an indication that anyone did anything to me or that I am upset about anything. It just means that I like myself.

--If another woman looks at me like I have lost my mind when I say I don’t think I want any children, I may punch her in the throat.

--Don’t tell me I have big breast, I know this already. Who do you think carries these damn boulders around all freakin day?

--Nine times out of ten, if you give me you opinion on something and I don’t respond. That means I don’t give a shit about your opinion, so stop trying to explain it.

-- Recently, I called my homeboy and asked him if I was funny looking cause all I was meeting was funny looking guys.

--I barely like kids by themselves but, bad-ass kids will make me dislike the parents.

--Looking back on it, my last boyfriend was an ass. And I wonder why I ever slept with him

--I hate whinny women. Get over it already.

--If I have come to the conclusion that I don’t like something, I have already thought it out. So please stop trying to change my mind.

--I am pissed at myself for the amount of weight I have gained.

--Sometimes I just say fuck it and mean it. Deal with it.

--Sometimes I reread my own stories and am fearful that they suck.

--Sometimes I reread my own stories and know they are better than 85% of the crap already in the bookstores.

--I think good social skills are more important than a good education.

--I am happy, excited, nervous and scared all at the same time about my new house. (Coming Fall 2005)
Hell, that felt good. There is so much more shit I needed to let go. I think I may make this a regular post. Well of course that is contingent on the other mess going on in my life.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Love-Hate Relationship

Those of you who know me know that my squad of friends is mostly comprised of guys. This is how it is, how it always has been and probably how it will always be. Up until high school I only had two female friends. And even then I only gained three more. Add on to that the two more I met in college and you have the total number of females that I have ever really fucked with like that.

For some reason, broads and I have never quite clicked. I figure it has something to do with my extremely low tolerance for bullshit and drama, a trait not intrinsic to most women. But the reasons I always heard were complete and utter bullshit. Things like, ‘Oh, that bitch thinks she is cute.’ To which I would usually respond, ‘Yeah, ok and?’ I mean really what the hell am I supposed to think. Or there was ‘Why the hell she gotta always be with a bunch of dudes?’ I think this perturbed them more than anything because these dudes were the ones all the girls liked and I had the inside track. But the reason that always threw me for a loop was the one about my walk. Never quite grasped how you could decide you wanted to fight someone because of the way they walked. Ah, but again that is the bullshit and drama I mentioned. Besides, in knowing me you know that I could really give a shit what most people think of me. As long as I am comfortable with the chick I see in the mirror I am good.

Hanging with a bunch of dudes and having them become more like family than friends has one major pro and one major con. Namely your eternal placement in the ‘sister’ bracket, which comes with a whole other set of cool and not so cool situations.

TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HAVING MOSTLY MALE FRIENDS

  1. You get a different understanding of how the male mind works. Which results in a different perspective on how the game works.
  2. You never have to look for someone to help you move.
  3. They are ready to kill any dude who comes close to hurting your feelings.
  4. Their potential girlfriends worry about meeting you, cause they know your opinion is critical.
  5. They give you the truth straight, no chaser and will dare not to be willing to swallow it.
  6. Because the relationship is so close you sometimes get to see a sensitive side of them that not even their girlfriends see. (i.e.-they will cry in front of you without the fear of being looked at as weak.)
  7. There is very little conversation while the game is on.
  8. If you drink too much and fall asleep you don’t have to worry about anyone trying anything.
  9. You can cry in front of them and they won’t think they have the upper hand in the relationship.
  10. If ya’ll have a falling out about something there are very little dramatics. You get it off your chest and keep it moving.

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT HAVING MOSTLY MALE FRIENDS

  1. They forget you are a woman and have a tendency point out other women’s asses
  2. They want you to hook them up with any new female acquaintances.
  3. They rarely approve of any guy you are dating. And are usually right about dude in the end.
  4. You end up doing a lot of the cooking.
  5. They know entirely too much about your sex life. (and vise versa)
  6. Their girlfriends usually are suspicious of you on the low.
  7. They want you to run interference (see: lie for their asses) when they screw up. Cause after all you are a woman and the girlfriend will believe you before she believes any of his homeboys.
  8. If you realize you feelings for one of them, you can’t say anything for fear of how it will affect the friendship.
  9. Whenever ya’ll are out you have to make sure the guy eyeing you knows these are you brothers and nothing more before he will even think about approaching you.
  10. Guys you date always think you have, are or will sleep with one or more of them. Or at the very least that one of them has, is or will try to sleep with you.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Hail, The Almighty Word!

My purpose in creating this blog was to discipline myself with my writing. And as we can see, I am not doing a very spectacular job. Actually, I have to admit, I’m kind of ashamed of myself. It isn’t like I haven’t had things happen in my life worth writing about or that my head hasn’t been full of some of the most insane thoughts your imagine. I, honestly think I just got uncomfortable with the idea of sharing MY thoughts with others. Because technically they are the only things that are entirely, truly and undeniably all mine.

Anyway, when I got to thinking about this whole writing process it tripped me out cause for as long as I can remember words have captivated me. There has never been anyone or anything that has ever connected with me like words. They have been my one constant passion. Hell, to be honest I think the minute I began to have a slight grasp on them, a love affair begin. As a child I loved to read because the words created the most amazing mental images. And even now the power of words still keeps me in awe. See, in my eyes they are the single most powerful things on the face of the planet. Whether spoken, written or sung, they are the most basic and yet most complex way to convey human emotion and thought. Their ability to transform concepts, thoughts and realities simply by altering the way they are compiled sends my head spinning and my mind racing. Every time I see familiar words and they aligned differently, creating a new viewpoint, I just become more intrigued. Their possibilities are so infinite, that I can’t help but to grow in my desire to know more about them. When it comes to words, for me it really is love.

So now I am forced to ask myself- If words make you feel like this, why don’t you spend more time writing?
My response-Because words make me feel like this.

It is kind of like when a person knows that one particular man or woman is a perfect fit, but just won’t fall in line to make a relationship work. Either because it feels so good they are scared it can’t be real or it feels so good they are scared it must be real. The same train of thought can apply. That feeling is so intense it petrifies me. Sometimes I feel like putting my inner most out there will take away from its authenticity. Other times I know all it will do is force me to reread and ultimately, face my inner most. And on those occasions when I am forced to put it out there, for whatever reason-internal or external, I am very careful about the words I choose and the way I decided to compile them. And taking into consideration everything that has happened in my life in recent months I am taking extra special caution when it comes to choosing the proper words to convey my emotions (more accurately my thoughts).

So with all that said, (whose purpose I still haven’t yet figured out) I am going to attempt to make myself proud and do a better job at this. Because when I really think about it, I love these words a hell of a lot more than I fear them.

Thanks for bearing with me folks.
PS: Tune in tomorrow for my next post. Told yall I am trying