I spent this past weekend in my hometown, Baltimore. Well while I was there I went to the Sugar Water Festival, a concert that included Floetry, Jill Scott, Queen Latifah and Erykah Badu. I am a fan of all of these ladies for one reason or another so the concert was a real treat to me and the fact that we had great seats didn’t hurt any. Anyway, this was my first time seeing Erykah Badu live, and let me just tell ya'll, the chick is bad. In all her hoodness and love for real life street thugs she is B. A. D. Bad!
With that said, there are certain things in life that you can hear over and over again, but they really don’t take on much meaning. That is until they are delivered at the right time, in the right setting, by the right person and when these three come together the result is usually what we all know as an ‘A-ha’ moment. The type of moments that force you to sit back, shake your head and say aloud to yourself, ‘Well, I’ll be damned.’ Followed by, How in the hell did I miss that?’ Listening to Ms. Baduizm live singing Bag Lady at the Mereweather Post Pavilion created my most recent ‘A-ha’ moment. As I listened to the lyrics and for first time got the message, I thought about my own personal baggage and realized, ‘These damn things are heavy and I am tired of carrying them.’
My baggage, although not as major as some others is crucial to me and, I am sure is some way or another, is getting in my way. So I wanna take this time to put some of these bags down with the hopes of never picking them up again.
Bag #1-My first broken heart. I was 18 and in that faith-filled flawless kind of love, until I caught him on his way to the hotel with some girl. I was completely blindsided. And that was the part that stung the most.
Bag #2-My biological maternal grandmother. Have never laid eyes on her or heard her voice. She knows I am alive and chooses not to speak or see my father or I.
Bag #3-Missing my uncle’s (fathers only brother) funeral. I always question my decision on this one. I was still in college and on the national board an organization. His funeral was the same day as the conference I’d planned and chaired for over a year. I knew I couldn’t handle it. Besides, I justified it by remember something he said to me the last time I saw him. He said, ‘Cremate my ass cause I don’t want a bunch of motherfucker’s standing over me staring and shit.'
Bag #4-My mother’s first statement to me when she got off the plane in Atlanta for my college graduation. Before saying, congratulations or I am proud of you or I love you or I miss you or anything she said and I quote, ‘Dang, Queen you done gained a lot of weight, haven’t you?’ That set the tone for my entire graduation weekend.
Bag #5-Having an abortion several years ago. I still stand by my decision and believe it was the best choice at the time. However, sometimes you just can’t help but to wonder.
I must admit, this isn’t my complete set of luggage but they seem to be the ones that I travel with the most and they have hurt my back and spirit for far to long. So I put them down in hopes that I
1. Can one day again have that faith-filled kind of love
2. Strive to be the best mother and not get so caught up in my own BS that I forget my life isn’t about me
3. Accept that my uncle is ok with it and realize that if anybody knew my heart he did
4. Stop recalling my mother’s statement at random times in my life for no apparent reason
5. Always rely more on self control, than birth control
And on that note I am going to make it my business from here on out to, in the words of Ms. Badu, pack light.
With that said, there are certain things in life that you can hear over and over again, but they really don’t take on much meaning. That is until they are delivered at the right time, in the right setting, by the right person and when these three come together the result is usually what we all know as an ‘A-ha’ moment. The type of moments that force you to sit back, shake your head and say aloud to yourself, ‘Well, I’ll be damned.’ Followed by, How in the hell did I miss that?’ Listening to Ms. Baduizm live singing Bag Lady at the Mereweather Post Pavilion created my most recent ‘A-ha’ moment. As I listened to the lyrics and for first time got the message, I thought about my own personal baggage and realized, ‘These damn things are heavy and I am tired of carrying them.’
My baggage, although not as major as some others is crucial to me and, I am sure is some way or another, is getting in my way. So I wanna take this time to put some of these bags down with the hopes of never picking them up again.
Bag #1-My first broken heart. I was 18 and in that faith-filled flawless kind of love, until I caught him on his way to the hotel with some girl. I was completely blindsided. And that was the part that stung the most.
Bag #2-My biological maternal grandmother. Have never laid eyes on her or heard her voice. She knows I am alive and chooses not to speak or see my father or I.
Bag #3-Missing my uncle’s (fathers only brother) funeral. I always question my decision on this one. I was still in college and on the national board an organization. His funeral was the same day as the conference I’d planned and chaired for over a year. I knew I couldn’t handle it. Besides, I justified it by remember something he said to me the last time I saw him. He said, ‘Cremate my ass cause I don’t want a bunch of motherfucker’s standing over me staring and shit.'
Bag #4-My mother’s first statement to me when she got off the plane in Atlanta for my college graduation. Before saying, congratulations or I am proud of you or I love you or I miss you or anything she said and I quote, ‘Dang, Queen you done gained a lot of weight, haven’t you?’ That set the tone for my entire graduation weekend.
Bag #5-Having an abortion several years ago. I still stand by my decision and believe it was the best choice at the time. However, sometimes you just can’t help but to wonder.
I must admit, this isn’t my complete set of luggage but they seem to be the ones that I travel with the most and they have hurt my back and spirit for far to long. So I put them down in hopes that I
1. Can one day again have that faith-filled kind of love
2. Strive to be the best mother and not get so caught up in my own BS that I forget my life isn’t about me
3. Accept that my uncle is ok with it and realize that if anybody knew my heart he did
4. Stop recalling my mother’s statement at random times in my life for no apparent reason
5. Always rely more on self control, than birth control
And on that note I am going to make it my business from here on out to, in the words of Ms. Badu, pack light.
